I really enjoyed my evening tonight. I made chicken tortilla soup and tortilla chips from scratch. I answered an email. I watched Mythbusters. And now, after I get this thought down for posterity, I have cooking shows on DVR I’m flipping through.
Every night like this just reinforces why I want nights like this. Not nights where I get blurry drunk, say stupid shit to people on the phone, barely remember throwing together dinner and get up the next morning in pain, dreading work again, promising myself I’ll stop doing it.
My moments of gratitude for the “small things” are still very strong. Over years of drinking, it was easy to forget what a calm, quiet, lovely Wednesday evening could be. I used to think if I got sober I would be bored, but nothing could be further from the truth. Cooking with my head and my heart, laughing with Steve, talking to my friends with total clarity, the humming of the dishwasher after kitchen cleanup, relaxing on the couch with my Andy next to me where I can pet her head. All these things bring me so much joy.
I suppose it sounds like another ordinary night in an ordinary life. But to me, these nights still mean everything. In these moments of doing nothing, of just living in a place of peace, I feel like my childhood – which I still yearn for so much – has come back to me. And that’s like a dream come true.