30 Days

30 days today since I last had a drink.

I keep trying to sit down to write and yet the minute I do, I lose all motivation. I am simply enjoying myself, and focusing elsewhere right now. I am working on my spiritual health, first and foremost, talking to my girls, spending a lot of evenings with Steve, having a blast in my kitchen, and finding many small moments of serenity, which I grab on to like gifts. Eventually I may write more, but this is where my attention is right now.

What I can say with ease is that I finally feel really good. But unlike my last go back in March, I can also honestly recognize reality, i.e., I am not in a “pink cloud” phase. Those first few weeks sucked. Maybe my brain knew better this time than to make it easy on me, to trick me into thinking it was a breeze, that I could go back to trying to control… no, this time has been harder, physically and mentally, no doubt. But here I am.

Things aren’t perfect and yet they are perfect just the way they are. Because everything in my life right now has the perspective of sobriety to accompany it, and, for me, it doesn’t get much better than that.

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9 thoughts on “30 Days

  1. I am just so, so happy for you. Unlike the last time, I feel like it's okay if you never write a single word here again, as long as you're okay like this. Though I do want to know more! (I wanted to email but couldn't figure out how to find it via the comments on my blog.)

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  2. Sorry to be late in saying – CONGRATS! I just loved this post – good for you. This was my favorite part of what you said:

    “Things aren't perfect and yet they are perfect just the way they are.”

    I had one of those days where I made myself miserable because my perspective was waaaaay off. No gratitude, crippled by irritation. I forgot to remember that it's not about perfection, it's about the journey.

    Thank you.

    -Ellie

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  3. Thank you Ellie! Sorry you had a day like that… though I suppose having them just helps to reinforce the lesson. At least that's how I like to think of it. Glad you're in a better perspective this evening.

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