Sometimes I have these moments, these little bursts of unbridled joy and I just have to jump up, find Steve, hug and kiss him and tell him how happy I am. As a matter of fact, I had one just now.
Tonight seemed like a good night to drink. But I did not drink. Instead I enjoyed my first sober (and not hungover from the Eve) Christmas in many years. Gifts were great, food was spectacular.
We watched It’s A Wonderful Life. Only last year did I realize how deeply meaningful that film really is. Not only because of the last part, the whole “what if you had never been born part,” but because it talks about how we, as individuals, have dreams about what we think we want our lives to be and sometimes we have to sacrifice and change our plans, and our lives turn out far different than what we had hoped. And yet, of course, that life we end up living turns out to be everything we wanted, the source of our real happiness, and full of all the things we never even knew we should have been dreaming of in the first place.
I’ve talked about these things before in this space, and how only when I stopped drinking did I realize that the grand life I thought I dreamed of, that I thought I had been waiting for, was the one in front of me the whole time.
Today was a wonderful reinforcement.
I know today that I have a husband who loves me unconditionally, loves me not because of what I may accomplish or achieve, but just because… just because. Because he likes spending his life with me. I’m not sure when I started thinking that wasn’t enough, that I had to be something more, but I laugh about it now, as I come back to the beautiful reality that is my marriage. And the reality that is my life. I have so many friends – god, so many friends. How in the world did THAT happen? Surely, I don’t know. But I am so lucky to have them, all around me.
Merry Christmas everyone. And I hope your day was as lovely and peaceful and full of happy bursts as mine was.