Lost Friendships

I just unfriended 28 people on Facebook. I was about to do more, but I stopped myself. I’m down to 85. I’m a known friend/blog purger (used to follow 150 blogs on Google Reader, now I follow 20… stuff like that), but this time it feels different. I’m starting to close in my ranks – online and off – in a way I never have.

Despite what people may think about my behavior, it’s never easy for me to let go. There are people I deleted today that I knew for years and years… that never talk to me anymore or vice versa. We’ve changed, we’ve grown apart and before I knew it, we hadn’t even asked how the other was doing since 2010. These are not friendships. I don’t care what modern social media rules say.

Facebook (and, to a degree, tumblr, since I purge often here too) is only part of my concern, though. Most of the people I deep sixed live in the computer for me and nowhere else. It’s the offline ones, and a few that are 50/50 online and off, that have been harder to face.

I have friendships that I thought were solid, close, secure, that faded away slowly but steadily over the last 18 months since I moved back to Texas, started a new career, bought a house, maintained my sobriety, quit smoking, got healthy, lost a bunch of weight and overhauled my entire sense of self-confidence, life purpose and ideological/spiritual beliefs.

Is it any wonder my friendships have changed? Even years-long ones? Of course not.

Still, I can’t help but question myself, wonder if it is something I did wrong. I know, there is no “wrong.” I guess I will never completely get used to the fact that friendships are unstable. I know it’s part of life. I know everyone goes through it. I know it’s normal. As I grow and change (and as they do too!) and set my determined sights on new goals and life paths, the people that were all part of my old ways of thinking and of living simply have nothing to say to me anymore, nor I them.

And I know that’s “okay” but it never 100% feels okay. You know? It’s discomforting. I just have to let it settle in.

But man, if there’s one lesson I keep learning over and over again in my adult life, it’s this: pay attention to the people who pay attention to you. I am getting quicker about not wasting my time, energy and emotions on people who don’t make any effort to spend theirs on me and instead focusing on those who do.

Time is precious. I don’t want to waste any more of mine on what ifs and wonderings and stresses and negativity, not with friendships, online or off. I’m done.

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